Skip to content

Month: November 2020

What if My Job Was to Be Present?

What if My Job Was to Be Present?

Published by Michael Defern on November 30, 2020

My job is to cradle this cup of coffee with both hands and gently bring it to my lips, feeling every drop as it warms my insides.

My job is to bask in the glow of my tingling skin as the balmy breeze strokes my hair.

My job is to breathe in the air that invigorates my entire body, carrying nutrients to feed my soul.

My job is to run and play like a wild fawn.

My job is to be myself and unashamedly express who I am.

My job is to create the things that I want to exist in the world – art, music, ideas, and objects.

My job is to experience each moment without judgement, letting it all wash over me like a wave, knowing that the changing motions of the tide are part of life.

My job is to wash the dishes with passion, turning the scrubbing into a spiritual practice

My job is to vacuum with appreciation, knowing how many people came together to design and build just the plastic handle that I push against to clean the carpet that I’m grateful to be standing on.

My job is to type a message to another person, focusing on their needs, knowing that my own will be taken care of.

My job is to learn how to stay in the moment, to practice meditation, to bring awareness to my inner body and avoid getting swept away by random thoughts.

My job is to practice connecting with other people, putting effort into staying present in all conversations and activities. 

My job is to get better at living.

Not by mastering money so that I can retire young and consume more, but by learning to experience joy and peace in every moment regardless of the circumstances.

If I make all of these things my job, then those other activities needed to actually pay the bills become infused with new power and inspiration.

When I get paid to scrub the toilet at the restaurant, I’m fully present and grateful, knowing that better things are ahead.

When I get paid to assemble components at the manufacturing plant, I’m inspired with ideas to improve the process and my mind starts to put the pieces together on how I can either be promoted or start my own business.

When I get paid to answer the phone for the insurance company, my infectious attitude makes everyone around me smile, attracting opportunities and possibilities into my life.

When I’m on a roof getting paid to bang nails into shingles, I feel connected to the other workers. I’m part of a team working toward a common goal, with a sense of purpose.

When I’m constantly writing, baring my soul, and feeling vulnerable because it seems no one is reading it – then I get an email from one person who thanks me and tells me how I helped them – and I know it’s worth continuing.

We all have so much power – more than we realize.

We can change the way we perceive what happens around us and to us. By doing the little things we are already doing with more presence, with intention, and love, new opportunities start to appear. 

So, I say make it your job to be present, and everything else gets better.

–

Header image “Free Air” by Heather Prescott Liebensohn a.k.a. Omega Defern at Zen Mantis Video & Photography

Share this post:
You Just Don’t Have It Yet

You Just Don’t Have It Yet

Published by Michael Defern on November 12, 2020

“You just don’t have it yet.” That sentence came from the mouth of legendary drummer and producer Steve Jordan – who was in the Saturday Night Live and David Letterman bands, and played with John Mayer, among many others. I heard Steve interviewed by Rick Beato recently, and this one line just hit me. It describes the creative journey perfectly. 

I was 21 when I wrote my first song. I had been playing guitar for years in cover bands, but I found myself in a situation which required something truly special. I needed to get my girlfriend to come back to me! I was so excited that I was able to channel my emotions into a real song, with lyrics and all! But, it wasn’t very good, and I didn’t get the girl. Although I got something better – the bug for songwriting.

Since then, I’ve probably written hundreds of songs, most of them garbage, but that’s ok – I was learning the craft, and enjoying myself along the way. After 20 years of playing in different bar and wedding bands while working day jobs, thinking some opportunity would just fall out of the sky, I decided it was finally time to confront the truth about my abilities as a writer. So I, with my wife and our three kids picked up and moved to Nashville. (Heather, my wife, is a songwriter too, so it wasn’t hard to convince her)

Heather and I had already put out an album which some people REALLY liked. Not everybody, but enough to plant a few seeds of hope. We had visited Nashville, and it seemed like the perfect size city – not like New York or L.A. – and had a super welcoming community of musicians. But, ultimately it was a little bar called Douglas Corner Cafe that sold us.  

It’s closed down now, another casualty of the pandemic, but every Tuesday night they had an open mic that down here they call a “writer’s round” (some venues, like The Bluebird, arrange the musicians in an actual circle, which is where round comes from.) To play at Douglas Corner, all you had to do was call into their old fashioned answering machine at 1pm and leave your name. Each week at 12:55 we hit the phones, calling nonstop – dial, busy signal, hang up. dial, busy signal, hang up – like we were trying to win Springsteen tickets from a radio station. The trick was to get on early while more people were in the audience.

Local legend, Donnie Winters, ran the open mic for years. After he did his sound check and went over the ground rules, he started calling people up. I was almost always nervous. Playing and singing my own songs without a band to a packed room was not something I was used to! The stage was set up with four stools and microphone stands, with beautiful blue hazy lighting. The front half had rows of tables and chairs for the serious listeners, and the rear was where the bar and networking took place. In Nashville, it’s all about co-writing, and this was the kind of place to meet other musicians you might have a connection with.

I remember this one particular Tuesday night when I was feeling especially good. Rather than my regular, “man I don’t want to do this, but I have to push through it,” I was cool, calm, and present. I was in the moment. Maybe because I knew I had a good song prepared, and because I had been taking voice lessons (Breck Alan’s and The Art of Body Singing is LIFE CHANGING for singer songwriters in particular, because he’s all about playing your voice like an instrument instead of just hitting notes). Donnie called four names and I went up on stage, plugged in my guitar, adjusted my mic, and waited patiently for my turn. I sang my song, “Oklahoma.” It’s a heavy song, recounting the great lengths I went to in my early attempts at sobriety. I felt like I had a good performance, and the audience applauded. I didn’t get any hooting and hollering, but it felt like a genuine reaction. You can feel the room when people are paying attention. And I knew I had them. But, it wasn’t until I got off stage that I realized how well it went over.

A few people stopped me to shake my hand on my way to the back of the room. My adrenaline was turning into a headache and I wanted to get away from everybody for a minute. Just before I walked into the Men’s Room, this guy pulled me aside and said, “Man, that song really hit me. I have a brother who is on drugs, who I haven’t seen in years. That song just made me feel something I hadn’t felt in a long, long time.” I’m not great at taking compliments, but I gave him a sincere and hearty “thank you” and kept moving. Later on I realized how amazing that compliment was, and my insides began to blissfully jump up and down.

It’s interesting how music works. Oklahoma wasn’t a happy song. It didn’t make that guy happy, but it did stir something in his heart. Emotion – to be “in motion”. I think sometimes we just need to get our cold hearts moving again in whatever way possible. Maybe he just needed to feel a connection with someone who understands.

Back to the interview with Steve Jordan. The story he was telling was about a Rod Stewart track he was working on. They were trying to get the sound right, and it just wasn’t happening. Someone walked in and gave him some encouragement, “You just don’t have it yet. It’s alright, it’s alright, you just don’t have it YET.” So they kept tweaking things, and eventually, by moving one of the drum microphones just a few inches … BAM! It all came together. You see, I spent decades thinking I had to get good enough to go on stage in the first place, but I realized the stage is a critical part in the development process. If I wanted to get really good, to become a professional, I needed to get real world feedback, and not fool myself about how good I think I am.

Open mic nights are the perfect place to try out material, to see what works and what doesn’t. I’ve watched enough Jerry Seinfeld documentaries to know that most comics “practice” their new acts at small clubs. I’m trying to get a reaction – not just a courtesy applause, but for someone to come up to me afterward and say, “I really loved that song.” If no one does that in a room full of people, how would I expect to get the attention of random people out on the internet? And if no one responds, that doesn’t mean I should quit, it just means I just don’t have it YET.

Music is about evoking a human reaction. You never know who is going to respond to what song. So, the secret, if there is one, is to keep writing and keep testing. Find out what works, and treat the people who love your stuff as if they are your soulmates.

Share this post:
Building Your Own Audience Based on What You Love

Building Your Own Audience Based on What You Love

Published by Michael Defern on November 2, 2020

Passion is the secret to making good content and building a following

I woke up yesterday morning, like most mornings, playing the alarm snooze game. I had some vivid dreams … I was at a recording studio, an old abandoned mall, and at one point I was wrangling a blue and orange man into the back of a van, then through the kitchen of a fancy restaurant. Why would I ever want to get out of bed with that kind of entertainment? Especially when I know what’s waiting for me – that old familiar tormentor, the voice in my head.

“We’ve got to pay bills today,” my inner voice tells me.

I know, I know, I replied.

“We have to call the guy about the video project too.”

Got it.

“And, don’t forget, we have to work out today too.”

Yes, thanks for reminding me.

So, I manage to pull myself up onto the edge of the bed, staring out the window. The Venetian blinds are closed, but I can feel the cold and nasty outside. Another dull rainy day, trapped in a house that seems to be shrinking by the minute. It gets smaller and smaller the longer my family attempts to live, work and go to school all in the same place, thanks to COVID-19.

But, there HAS been a silver lining. My writing. I had always enjoyed writing, but over the past few months it became a passion. I even started thinking that I might be able to do it professionally (whatever that means these days).

For some reason, I was feeling really down. Aside from the normal life problems, worrying about money, politics, and health, I couldn’t shake the idea that I was just spinning my tires, working hard at nothing. I had been pouring so much of my heart and soul into writing. In a short four months, I had written a book about spiritual awakening, a short story (fiction), and probably a dozen fairly involved blog posts / articles. I should be proud of that. But all that went through my head was: NO ONE CARES. No one is reading it. There are so many writers out there, the world doesn’t need another one, I thought.

Pretty depressing, right? Yes it was.

That afternoon, after Heather was done overseeing virtual school for our 3 kids, we went out to vote (Keith Richards for president! (joking)) and to get some groceries (it’s so exciting just to get out of the house lately.) We listened to David Tennant’s podcast in the car (it’s amazing, by the way.) He was interviewing Neil Gaiman, one of our all-time favorite authors. They talked about the writing process, and thankfully, I was hearing exactly what I needed to perk me up.

One of the questions David asked Neil was: how do you know who will make it or not (as a writer)?

His reply: “The ones who consistently polish the chair with their ass each day.”

In other words, the ones who continue writing (ass in chair), because they love it. They keep at it, even after their first novel flops, and their second novel flops … they keep going.

I knew exactly what he meant. Before COVID, I had a habit of pursuing most things in life, not because I loved them, but in order to “get” somewhere. But now I was compelled to write each day purely out of love. I enjoyed doing even if no one ever reads it or buys it.

It was as if I had just stumbled upon this new thing inside myself, that had always been there, that fired up EVERYTHING in my life. My video production work, my music, my relationships – it all got better, because I had found a way to satisfy my soul. I became more playful and more inspired. I was more “whole” – more confident, and less needy! You know what I mean by needy … needing praise and needing people to stroke my ego, to quell that insecurity deep in my gut. There was less of that now.  

Obviously, finding my passion had brought many indirect benefits. But, WHO SAYS no one will read what I’m writing? That’s just another bullshit story I’m telling myself. I just need to get some clarity on what exactly I’m trying to accomplish here.

The other critical part I gleaned from the Neil Gaiman conversation was the understanding that, the more I write, the better I’ll get, and the more I’ll find my own voice and my own audience. Good stuff finds a way to the top, and good stuff finds an audience (without gimmicks or slick marketing.)

By consistently writing for and sharing specifically to my own “custom made” audience, I start to develop relationships. And relationships make the world go ’round. People who know, like and trust me are likely to buy my book when I put it out. They are also likely to refer someone to my business. They know who I am.

But it’s not just a matter of writing and sending out a weekly email. There’s a lot of clutter out there, and people are busy – and people are jaded.

So, how do you stand out? By making people feel something.

How do you do that? By being real, raw, genuine, and vulnerable. Go deep into who you are and what you know. The right people will resonate.

It might take a little while, but in the meantime, it will empower you in other ways. The momentum created by feeding your passion will bring opportunities that you had never even thought of.

It doesn’t have to be writing. Do you make physical art, furniture, paintings? Take a series of pictures and turn it into a blog post. Consistently share your work. But don’t just post it on social media. Send it personally to people who are interested. In the beginning it may only be 10 people. This is about finding and nurturing a finite audience, making them feel special – talking directly to them. 

Maybe you have a thing for technology hacks. You can share bits of code, Excel shortcuts, and productivity software? You can share links to other articles and just be the curator, adding your own comments. Or, maybe you’re a better talker than a writer. Film yourself being interviewed – have someone ask questions about your expertise and experience, then chop it up into soundbites (they can be transcribed and turned into articles too.)

If you share what you love, that authenticity will attract the right people. And if you create for those people, they will love you back. Passion is the fuel you need to keep going when you start to doubt yourself. But, like I said, you never know what opportunities may arise, and what this process may do FOR you. If you feed your soul and share it, you’ll be amazed at what happens.

Do you have a passion that you might want to build an audience around? I love to brainstorm stuff like this. Let’s talk. I may be able to provide the perspective you need to recognize how and where to get started.

Share this post: