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Michael Defern Posts

Music in Mindfulness and Everyday Life

Published by Michael Defern on April 21, 2021

I was on a podcast recently, Mindfulness Mode with Bruce Langford. I wanted to post it here on the blog because he did an amazing job of getting me to articulate some things that I’ve struggled to say in the past. (Thank you Bruce!)

In particular, this would may be helpful for people who have struggled with addiction, but we also get into the idea of nurturing that feeling of connection in business, marketing, and performing.

There’s lot’s great stuff on his website – he’s been at this for a long time.

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How to Make Your “Why” Video

How to Make Your “Why” Video

Published by Michael Defern on February 6, 2021

3 steps to always make the right first impression

“It’s all about relationships!” Man, that statement used to aggravate me early in my career. 

Because I didn’t get it.

I thought it was about hanging out on golf courses, schmoozing with people, and kissing ass to make a sale. And I had more integrity than that! So, I hunkered down, focusing on being better, technically, than everyone else. But I was completely in the dark about the relationship part, and I struggled to hit my numbers while I watched others in my industry work half as hard and make twice the money.

Because every move I made was transactional.

Because I didn’t have a why.

It wasn’t until a number of years later when I started my own business that I “woke up” and understood. I was now selling to other business owners, getting to know them – as people, not prospects. I saw how the service I was offering had the potential to make a difference in their lives. Not just helping their business, but helping them. I began to care deeply about what I was doing, and in turn, about what they were doing. And things started to click.

I had found my why, and I began valuing relationships.

It was never about glad-handing and fancy lunches, it was about getting out of my self. I needed something more important than ME to focus on.

But, I can’t really explain what my why is. Even now, I struggle with the words.

It comes across in subtle ways. It’s who I am – and it comes out in how I show up at meetings, how I talk on the phone, and how I write emails.

Except on the days when my own selfish agenda and desires overshadow my why, and in that moment, the person I’m talking to never gets a glimpse of the authentic me.

This is where video can help.

How to “Show” Your Why

Here’s the process.

1. Find someone to talk to

Pick a friend, colleague, partner … someone who really gets you, who you can geek out with about what you do for a living, and completely lose track of time.

2. Film the entire conversation

Hit record and talk for an hour. Ignore the camera. It’s ok to plan talking points and questions, but don’t script anything.

3. Play it back and look for moments

Look for the sections that stand out. Make note of the times on a piece of paper. You want your why to resonate without actually naming it, and often it’s a look or the way something is said that speaks louder than the actual words. It may be helpful for the same friend you filmed this with to review the recording with you.

This can be done simply using a phone or shot with multiple camera angles by a pro. It can be edited, adding in other imagery, your logo, music, etc or just kept raw. There are pros and cons to both directions. I go into depth about how to film a conversation, what to talk about, and what to do with it afterward in the short book, How To Connect: A guide to creating content that resonates with your ideal client. 

No matter how you do it, put your “why” video on your LinkedIn profile, on your website, in your email signature, and send it ahead before every meeting. Make your first impression before you walk in the room, and the real you will always comes across loud and clear.

–

Header photo “heart made out of camera lenses” by Heather Liebensohn at Zen Mantis

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Embrace Your Uniqueness

Embrace Your Uniqueness

Published by Michael Defern on January 22, 2021

Marketing the ‘who you are’ more than the ‘what you do’

I talk about authenticity in sales and marketing a lot, and this Freakonomics episode with Malcolm Gladwell really resonated with me.

Malcolm says, “what people respond to as an audience is authenticity … so you want to be as unusual as you can – spend time thinking about ‘who am I’ … what is the image and message I’m trying to project, about the kind of person I am and how I see the world”.

He’s saying to embrace your unusual-ness.

If you’re a business owner, non-profit, professional, or artist, it’s arguably more important to sell yourself – you, the person – more than your actual product or service.

Think about it – what’s worth more money, something rare and unique or a commodity you can get anywhere? An original painting or a knock-off made in China?

Video is a great way to capture the realness that words don’t do justice. The little mannerisms and body movements. The pauses in between the words. And of course, the voice tone itself. Remember back when we actually used voice mail? Have you ever called and heard a person’s voice for the first time, and you immediately created a mental judgement about them. Do I trust them? Are they nice?

Many people resist being on video because they don’t want to show their flaws, or they don’t want to make it about “them”. But, people connect with people. And especially with today’s overcrowded landscape of ads and social media posts, if you’re not being real, people will tune you out.

It’s important to somehow capture the real you and put it out there.

The best way to get good video of yourself is to film a long conversation, then pull out the best moments. The result is a video that evokes a feeling of trust with the viewer – like they’re meeting the real person behind the business, not just a talking head.

The great thing is that there’s only one you. If you get a soundbite or two that capture some passion and feeling, with a touch of vulnerability, the right “buyers” will resonate with your personality and the wrong ones will be filtered out. You’ll do more business with people who are aligned with your values – people who are happy to pay what you’re worth, and the others are free to go be someone else’s headache.

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What Not to Do During a Podcast or Video Interview

What Not to Do During a Podcast or Video Interview

Published by Michael Defern on January 7, 2021

Authenticity and truth speak louder than words

Last week, I was invited to be on someone’s podcast, which is something new for me. But, I didn’t think too much about it, because I knew the guy pretty well and we had a rapport. I didn’t prepare anything – I figured it would just be a conversation, and whatever comes out, comes out.

It was going to be taped over a video call. Of course me being in production, I started obsessing a bit over the scene, staging a nice shot so I looked good. I rearranged the room a couple times, and tested different lights and microphones.

The call was set for 4pm. My wife and kids went out so the house was quiet. I was having a great, peaceful day. I had exercised earlier and I was feeling pumped and ready to go!

Normally I’m the other side of the camera, not the subject. And I started noticing that old familiar anxiety showing its ugly head. It was only 3:30, and I didn’t know what to do with myself. I tried to meditate and relax. What was renting space in my head was this idea that I was about to be interviewed as an author, like I’m supposed to be some expert!

That really messed me up. Instead of showing up for a natural conversation with a friend, I’m now worried about saying the right things. What if I screw up? What if I can’t remember the 3 steps I outlined in the book? I’ll look like an idiot and embarrass my friend who invited me on his podcast!

In spite of all my experience interviewing other people, and my mindfulness practice, here I was, full of fear and completely in my own head.

4pm came and things started off strong. I was able to put my thinking aside and just be present, answering questions and being myself. But, about halfway through I could feel my face flush and my ears turning red, a sure sign that I was beginning to panic. We had ventured into territory that I did not feel confident talking about.

What I should have done was to be honest that I didn’t have a good answer for his question. But, instead I came up with some bullshit just so I had something to say (now I know how politicians feel!) It wasn’t me, it wasn’t authentic – and my body was reacting, further compounding my anxiety, causing me to work even harder to “put on a show”.

Of course, hindsight is 20/20. If only I had said, “You know, I’m not sure I can give a great answer to that question, but I can try.” That little disclaimer alone would have let some of the pressure out of my stress balloon and would have perhaps sparked a deeper conversation about it.

The rest of the interview felt like a disaster. I mentally checked out. I wasn’t present at all. I was completely in my head, replaying what I had said, judging it. He asked more questions and I did my best to give superficial answers, because I was no longer rooted, no longer in the moment.

I haven’t seen the final cut yet, so I don’t know how well it actually came across. It may have been fine. But, I have a feeling it lacks “soul”.

I believe, if the words come from beyond the mind, from a place of no-thought, from pure inspiration, then they will resonate strongly with the viewer, listener or reader. When the words just flow from a place of presence, I trust that they are right. But as soon as I get up in my head trying to script the words in real time, I kill all the life in them. They may sound good, but they lack power and emotion. They don’t make the necessary connection. And, what I really want is to transmit a feeling, not just words.

Above all, during an interview it’s critical that the two people are fully present, so that great moments flow out of true love and passion for the subject at hand. The guy who invited me on his podcast was awesome. I’m the one who checked out.

State of mind is paramount.

What would have made me more comfortable? I should have stuck to what I was absolutely confident about. Sure, I could have prepared answers to his questions in advance, but then I might have been preoccupied the whole time trying to remember my “script”. No, I want the words to flow from a place of pure inspiration and no-thought, because those words carry more power.

–

Header image, Dog Driving Budget Rental Moving Truck by Zen Mantis

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Practicing Mindfulness While Making Coffee

Published by Michael Defern on December 23, 2020

I like to practice being in the present moment as much as possible, but I hate just sitting there, trying to think about nothing. I’d much rather turn daily mundane activities, like making coffee, into a sort of meditation.

It took me 3 takes to make this video without laughing! I know, it’s a bit exaggerated and ridiculous, but this is all just to make a point. If you even did half of what I did in this video, you’ll get something out of it.

And the bloopers …

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What if My Job Was to Be Present?

What if My Job Was to Be Present?

Published by Michael Defern on November 30, 2020

My job is to cradle this cup of coffee with both hands and gently bring it to my lips, feeling every drop as it warms my insides.

My job is to bask in the glow of my tingling skin as the balmy breeze strokes my hair.

My job is to breathe in the air that invigorates my entire body, carrying nutrients to feed my soul.

My job is to run and play like a wild fawn.

My job is to be myself and unashamedly express who I am.

My job is to create the things that I want to exist in the world – art, music, ideas, and objects.

My job is to experience each moment without judgement, letting it all wash over me like a wave, knowing that the changing motions of the tide are part of life.

My job is to wash the dishes with passion, turning the scrubbing into a spiritual practice

My job is to vacuum with appreciation, knowing how many people came together to design and build just the plastic handle that I push against to clean the carpet that I’m grateful to be standing on.

My job is to type a message to another person, focusing on their needs, knowing that my own will be taken care of.

My job is to learn how to stay in the moment, to practice meditation, to bring awareness to my inner body and avoid getting swept away by random thoughts.

My job is to practice connecting with other people, putting effort into staying present in all conversations and activities. 

My job is to get better at living.

Not by mastering money so that I can retire young and consume more, but by learning to experience joy and peace in every moment regardless of the circumstances.

If I make all of these things my job, then those other activities needed to actually pay the bills become infused with new power and inspiration.

When I get paid to scrub the toilet at the restaurant, I’m fully present and grateful, knowing that better things are ahead.

When I get paid to assemble components at the manufacturing plant, I’m inspired with ideas to improve the process and my mind starts to put the pieces together on how I can either be promoted or start my own business.

When I get paid to answer the phone for the insurance company, my infectious attitude makes everyone around me smile, attracting opportunities and possibilities into my life.

When I’m on a roof getting paid to bang nails into shingles, I feel connected to the other workers. I’m part of a team working toward a common goal, with a sense of purpose.

When I’m constantly writing, baring my soul, and feeling vulnerable because it seems no one is reading it – then I get an email from one person who thanks me and tells me how I helped them – and I know it’s worth continuing.

We all have so much power – more than we realize.

We can change the way we perceive what happens around us and to us. By doing the little things we are already doing with more presence, with intention, and love, new opportunities start to appear. 

So, I say make it your job to be present, and everything else gets better.

–

Header image “Free Air” by Heather Prescott Liebensohn a.k.a. Omega Defern at Zen Mantis Video & Photography

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